Moving on and looking (and eating) forward...
The past couple of days I have been struggling with issues regarding my friend back home. I have been trying to get a hold of her since I've been here to catch up, tell her what's going on, and see how everything is going over there. I have been sleeping very late and waking up early just to call her when it's a decent time during her schedule (Brunei is 14 hours ahead of TX), since I know she is busy with work and school. But all of my calls and messages have been ignored since I got here. I finally got to talk to her for about 5 minutes on Sunday and she even admitted seeing my 2 missed calls, but did not bother to even message me back. She promised to call me at 7PM U.S. time which is 5AM Brunei time the next day (the morning before work) so I woke up at 5AM and waited for her call, but nothing. No call, no text, no message. So it made me worry a bit, but I waited to see if I got a response later on that day or an explanation at least on why she wasn't able to call. Nothing.
So I message her on FB (since all my other methods of reaching her were ignored), saying how I felt, that I was annoyed that she didn't bother to give me not even a minute of her time to at least tell me she was busy and will call me later. I would think after all these years of being friends, that she would know the type of person I am; If she tells me she will call at 5AM my time, I will wake up at 5AM and wait for her call. She didn't even have the decency to let me know "Sorry, busy, call you later." There are many methods and ways with technology now for two people to keep in touch, even if they are thousands of miles away. So in my perspective, it does not take much effort nor time to text me back.
I've been so stressed out by this the past couple of days and have been checking my FB and my kakao messenger to see if I got a response from her, but nope, nothing. It saddens me that she was so quick to judge and think that I called her a "bad friend" and a "friend who doesn't do anything for me" and is putting her down. Am I really that kind of friend, where the first thing that comes up to mind when reading my message to her is that? I was speaking frankly and honestly on how I felt with no anger or negativity, and this is how I am seen by her. Even after reading what I wrote about her previously, it really saddens me to know that this is how she views me.
I have seriously been emotionally and mentally consumed by this, continually thinking about how our recent "conversations" have been, because I care about her and our friendship, but this has been affecting my work and my new life. It's preventing me from really enjoying, with a full open mind, to the things here in Brunei.
After speaking with my housemate about this during our daily run after work, he gave me really good advice. Friendship is like a clap; it takes two hands to make a sound. There's no purpose in trying to make "noise" without the effort from the other side; There's no reason for me to "nag" at her to be my friend, because if she really cared for our friendship, she would meet me halfway. My brother always tells me think about now and just move on; it's called the present for a reason because it IS a present, so cherish the now.
I have been really reluctant to forget about her and let her go as a friend, because I do love and care for her, but I'm not going to waste any more of my precious time here in Brunei, nor my efforts in my new life on someone who isn't willing to even give me 10 seconds of her time. Friends should be honest, yet understand and compromise with each other. It hurts my heart to know that even after all these years, I can't be honest without looking like a negative person to her, even when I wasn't even trying to be that way. I have realized out here that its the time you take out for things and people in your life, that show what is truly important. Everyone is busy, everyone has something to always do, but its the time that you take out for others that show who your true priorities are.
Friends shouldn't bring each other down, and if she thinks I am, then she and I have to both just move on. She has been bringing ME down while in Brunei, so I know I am moving on. After today, I am not going to think about this and look forward. I will continually pray for my friend and love/care for her, as I always do, but I AM IN BRUNEI! IN ASIA! Traveling and working engineer! What an amazing life, my dream come true! I am so happy and thankful.
With this all said, I am so appreciative for the new friends I have made so far here. It has been a very short time, but I have become quite close to my housemate and to all my friends at work. I have been fully enjoying our very cheap lunch breaks together, our little get togethers, and stupid things we talk about. It's funny how food has the power to bring people together.
Below are a couple of pictures (and prices) of the cheap foods I eat and with my awesome new friends I eat them with!!
- Kuay Teow + Watermelon drink: B$4.20
- Pork Bun + 4 dumplings + Barley water + fish ball noodles: B$3.70
- Kaizen Restaurant - Japanese Soba Noodle + 2 Sweet Tofu wrapped rice with spicy salmon + Tuna roll + Red Snapper sashimi + Green tea + Green tea ice cream: B$20
- Roasted chicken + side of pickles + Chicken soup + rice + 2 soy sauce eggs + orange juice: B$4.50
- Sweet Lemon Thai Restaurant - Chicken Tom yum soup with noodles + Thai tea + Papaya salad: B$10
I feel now relieved and happy. I am refreshed knowing that I have the control of my fate and happiness.
“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.” - Joel Osteen